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Lexical Impotence

February 8th, 2008 by nullifidian

I enunciate how special Boston was to me.
You nod.
Feed on my bones
And I shall still elude.
Clueless curvy cathether!
Too deep I fester,
For your nose to curl.

And so it Goes

February 7th, 2008 by nullifidian


November 15, 2007. Last furnished night in apartment. Enjoying my last two movies. Tomorrow is my last night.

It’s a wet night, cloudy. Tall buildings across the river release customary mysterious steam from rooftops. Steam glows in beams of light, unites with clouds. Atmosphere of benevolent doom. Noir. Art Deco. No sign of life. Only lights and self-propelled cars. This is my Boston. My New York, my Los Angeles, my London. Xanadu.

Will I have the perpetually itinerant life I want? Or will I settle down, raise a brood? A good night to contemplate that question. It’s lonely as the moon up here. Desolate moondust filters through the sieve of my years.

The Newspaper

February 27th, 2007 by nullifidian

The newspaper is a shared heartbeat among all people. Our zeitgeist, my times; can you imagine a reunion of cosmic ghosts? Shadows of a planetful of people will converge. Oh, look at the fools that live today! How attached they are to what belongs to us. Rightfully. These were our stomping grounds. Some of us starved to death on the bare earth and others slept on beds sprinkled with petals, but we all encircled our globe somehow and carried this nebulous thing called a generation between us until the last of us passed. The world of 2007! The cadaverous babies about to be ripped apart by vultures, the beautiful famous people we all talked about, the hurricanes, the births, the deaths, our songs, and the twinkling of the lights of all our cities, villages and cigarettes! The noise we made! The 2007 noise! I saw you dying on TV! You killed my family! I ate a potato you grew! I sang songs you wrote! I breathed in your rotting flesh! We lived together! 2007 was the real Planet Earth, not this bunch of pretend people that think they’re oh-so happening just because they are the present. Gather ’round, my shadows. A great tie binds us together. We will read our newspaper again.

Yes, Let’s!

November 5th, 2006 by nullifidian

Let’s investigate
The meaning
Of this poem.
Yes, let’s!

Stream of Subconsciousness

October 27th, 2006 by nullifidian


dance code poetry radiate splash paint.
spasm nostalgia create die flame gym.
pump iron contract the cosmos powerful like a supernova multiplied by itself.
ten god times.
fame sex orgy crush kittens. but be good.
i sweep creation. i span existence. i be all. i crush meaning.
contract memories deep sweet happenings crystallized.
my life is more beautiful than yours. my life is perfect.
truth highest? hah! truth is jackshit. way too many turtles. truth is a lowly turtle.
be my own blood! yes! COURSE through me!
give my food. nourish. erase pain. make you JOYful.
agenda-less dance.
wa wa wa… stupid vocal language. smash verbal, violence speaks truly.

How can one get maximally honest?
Damn that Fellini.
I was going to make 8½, the maximally honest movie.

Perfect Being

October 6th, 2006 by nullifidian


Sweet memory
Of an ordinary rainy day.
Got off work
Stepped into a bus.
Clear, peaceful, alone.
Rain pelted my ride
Through empty neighborhoods
Of big trees and good people.

My few years still
Light as the clouds.
But old enough to know
It’s just me and the world,
Forever just me
And my being in the world.

When the tumult is over,
When it’s time to condense,
To curl up, hold tight and let go,
Is the universe any different
From that lone moment
Of pefect being?

Nihilists don’t get no respect

October 6th, 2006 by nullifidian

A cartoon from xkcd reminds me of how I feel. On the one hand, there is nothing to be said beyond the voidness of existence. On the other hand, I hate people for moving on when I talk about it.

The artist is Randall Munroe, and his licensing terms are here.


September 9th, 2006 by nullifidian

Don’t meditate to calm yourself. Meditate to push against the membrane that encloses you. It is not conceivable to me that anyone will have any success breaking through it. But I encourage you to close your eyes and try until your mind is reduced to an exhausted lump of flesh. (It might be a good idea to clear your schedule for the next hour or two before you start.)

The walls are unyielding. Beat against them nonetheless. If you need a motive, use this: if you flog your brain hard enough, you may be granted the sensory illusion of having broken through, which is a special (if merely chemical) experience.


September 9th, 2006 by nullifidian


Life is a law of our universe, like the mathematical, physical and chemical laws. When conditions are right, stars explode into supernovae. When conditions are right, stuff organizes itself into life. The gap between animate and inanimate came pre-bridged. Obligatory Carl Sagan quote:

“We’ve begun at last to wonder about our origins, star stuff contemplating the stars, organized collections of ten billion billion billion atoms contemplating the evolution of matter, tracing that long path by which it arrived at consciousness….”

Intelligent Design proponents are bothered by the thought of complex life being common self-assembly of star-stuff.

It makes no sense to be bothered by the spontaneous evolution of complex life forms when nothing is or can be understood about the ultimate reasons for the existence of mathematical and physical laws. Math, physics and life are just the way the universe behaves. They are all spontaneously complex, on their own.

Existence is no more or less bewildering because of the presence of life. Max bewilderment is achieved just by having anything be.

Meaning of existence is a cartoon

August 24th, 2006 by nullifidian

I check out Hugh MacLeod’s blog occasionally. He makes nice cartoons, and this one is so very on-topic here.

Yay meaning!
The artist is Hugh MacLeod, and his licensing terms are here.

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